A dedication, to anyone that is heartbroken right now – things will get better.
Now, I must note, I’m completely happy in my relationship (2 years and going strong!!) but I’ve never fully addressed how I got over having my heart completely broken. It’s something we’ll all sadly go through, it will teach us many, MANY lessons but my god, it will fucking suck. I’d just like to point out, whether you were in a relationship for 4 years, you were friends with benefits for 6 months or you were secretly in love with a friend, heartbreak has no limits so don’t think for a second that you “shouldn’t be that upset” just because someone else doesn’t think you should be. Only you know how you feel, so let your heart heal in whatever way it wants to.
I’m sure you remember your first love… promising the world to each other, all the “we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together” and being each others complete worlds. Those days were so good and yet, I was so naive to believe that at 14 years old, I had met the person I was going to spend the r e s t of my life with. Although I fully believed I had at the time, realistically, it was never going to work. We became different people, we wanted different things and now we’re both happier people without each other (my 14 year old self would DIE at the thought of this) & yes, if you don’t know me already, I’m incredibly dramatic.
I’m not going to sugar coat it – getting your heart broken is probably one of the worst things you’ll go through. I remember, I’d lay in bed, whack on the whole Sam Smith album, cry my eyes out and literally feel a pain in my heart as if it was actually breaking in my chest. At times, it seemed like I couldn’t breathe because my heart was dying right there in my chest and I couldn’t do anything to stop it because I couldn’t get my best friend to love me again. We were done and I could never accept it.
Now, the first stage of getting your heart broken, is coming to terms with the fact that you’ve lost them and you just have to deal with it. The second stage and the most savage stage, is when you see them with someone else.
Seeing someone you are in love with, kiss someone else or take another girl to your special restaurant that you always went to together will kill. you. off. This hurts like no other and everyone that has been through this, will know exactly what I mean and for anyone that is going through this right now – fuck, I want to give you a hug and a tub of Ben & Jerrys cus y’all need it.
I’ll be the first person to admit that I did not cope well. I was angry at everyone, I was a horrible person and I was generally a mess – for a solid 2 years may I add. I’ll never be sorry for my reactions and I’ll never feel bad for how I coped with it but if I could go back, god, I’d do things differently. Therefore, I’m going to let you in to some of my best tips for getting over having your heartbroken. They may not work for everyone, but there’s no harm in trying them.
- Cry. Cry until your tears have completely ruined your makeup, cry until you feel somewhat better and cry until you want to stop. A lot of people shy away from crying but it’s the best way to let out all that anger and upset that you’re holding inside.
- Do not go back to the ex. I’m sure we’ve all done this… well, I hope so because I certainly have. When you are in the middle of heartbreak, it is NEVER a good idea to go back to your ex for a cuddle, a chat or anything. This will give you so many mixed messages and this will screw with your heart even more. It’s hard to not go running back to someone you’re in love with, but please don’t do it – your future-self with really appreciate it.
- Go out with your mates. My mates saved me. I’ve said this before but, I can’t express how much I appreciate my friends being there for me. Whether they’re forcing you to do sambuca shots, listening to you talk about your ex for the 100th time or just giving you a cuddle when you’re crying – these moments will help you so much and this is what your friends are here for. They love you and want to see you happy, so go out, get yourself looking FIT and enjoy yourself – you deserve it.
- Eat some god-damn ice cream. I don’t have much to say here. Just get a couple of tubs of Ben & Jerrys, chuck on a film and relax.
- Don’t get under someone else. I know this works for a lot of people but personally for me, this doesn’t work. Trying to fill a hole in your heart with a one-night stand just won’t work. You can’t compare someone you love to someone you’ve found in a club after way too many vodkas. You’ll only feel awful in the morning.
- Listen to music. I have such a strong connection with Sam Smith’s first album as this came out when my first relationship ended and to hear someone else go through the same things as you is so liberating and I was so grateful to share the pain with someone else because I felt like I wasn’t alone and, you really don’t want to feel alone in times like this.
- Have faith. Everything will get better. People used to tell me that all the time and I’d say “yeah but I’m different because I know he’s the one” but I was talking crap. At the time I believed it but as time goes on, you really start to see that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. The sooner you realise this, the better because you absolutely will find someone that’ll love you more than you could ever expect. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll probably find a couple of people that also want to just screw you over but you will be happy again and it’ll be amazing. I promise.
- Talk to me. I don’t care who is reading this – if you feel like crap, you’re mental health is in a bad way, you’re thinking of getting back with your horrible ex or you just can’t stop crying – message me, please. I can’t give you great advice but I can listen and sometimes thats all you need.
- Cease opportunities. You might’ve been in a relationship that was holding you back. Maybe you wanted to go travelling but couldn’t? Maybe you wanted to go to University but was too scared to leave? Maybe you wanted your dream job that was in a different country? Well, now you can do it all. Go travelling, go to University, go get your dream job. There’s nothing holding you back now, so do anything you want to do and bloody enjoy yourself.
- Don’t be scared to open up again. This is an important one. When you do finally see yourself getting over the heartbreak, don’t be scared to let someone in again. It’ll be really hard as you know it could all end badly again but then, it could also never end and be the most amazing relationship you’ve ever had.
I can’t tell you how to cope with having your heart broken. There is no magic spell and there are no answers – I wish there was but there isn’t. Your heart will heal when it wants to and until then, you just have to do the best you can to get by in life until everything is okay again. Don’t apologise for being sad or angry. Never apologise for being you. Just remember, whoever broke your heart is a total loser and you deserve better.
I’m sending my love to anyone that needs it and remember, everything will be okay.